A few months ago, I liked this guy who truly didn't care about me or just wasn't in the same page as me. He denied me the chance to say goodbye before leaving for a new job and that really hurt me a little bit. I am grateful now because, in a way, it helped me close that page without expectations of ever relieving that chapter again. And I was gone for training.
After that, I made the decision of only focusing on work and making something different with my life instead of worrying and wondering if I'll ever find someone to love. I was fine, stronger and didn't have any regrets. Yes, I started missing my family and my dog like crazy, but that's part of life and moving on.
A few months passed, and later I finally arrived at my first command in my dream city. You know, one of those places you've always dreamed of living in but never actually visited. Well, that's what California is for me. It's not my hometown, but its the closest second.
Anyway, within my first week here I met this man, who later became my friend. It all happened in the weirdest way, I still can't quite describe it, but have you ever met someone that you know nothing about, but it feels like you've known each other for years? I've never felt that connection with someone until I met him.
I think I began falling in love within the first two weeks of meeting him.
Since, every chance he gets he just stares at me and suddenly tells me I'm beautiful. My cheeks turn red and I just smile back at him.
We started calling each other "babe". Funny how I thought being called that would ever bother me, but hearing it from him actually flutters my heart, and calling him that makes me feel like he's only mine.
He makes me feel desired and loved, protected and cared for.
It's such a complicated situation but feels so simple at times, because he's also been going through hard times, but I'm glad I'm there for him in every way I can. He tells me he's grateful he finally met me and that he wishes he'd met me before. I wish for the same. How many lonely nights we could have spent with each other, but life has its ways and decided for us to meet later.
I'm grateful nonetheless. I don't know if we'll last or not but I really hope so. I can't imagine not having him in my life. He believes in me even when I don't believe in myself, and that truly makes me wonder how lucky I am to have met someone like him. In some ways my opposite, sometimes an idiot, but a loved idiot at that.
I don't think we have actually said I love you yet, at least while being sober and completely awake. But I do feel it, I just don't want to say it before he does, you know. But I'm certain that I'm completely head over heels for him, its terrifying and exciting. Because all I can think is this is gonna end in heartbreak, especially since I don't know where they'll send me for my job or if I'll live long enough. But being with him could also mean it could end in happiness.
